I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Randomize
