How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
