She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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