i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
