apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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