Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
