Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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