I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
