I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
