check it out our google latitudes are spooning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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