Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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