I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
two words...techno handjob
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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