apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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