Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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