For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
