I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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