cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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