i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
