I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
