I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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