Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
