I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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