My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
