In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
