I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
