a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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