I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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