I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
