I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
