dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
