My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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