Can i not drive my cunt home
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its about making memories worth repressing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
