Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize