wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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