im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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