If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
