Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
