Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
