Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
