I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
