Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
