well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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