If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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