from now on my penis is your penis
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
