I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
