Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
