You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
