The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
