if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
