What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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