I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
