i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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