I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
