bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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