I'm so fucking centered right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
