Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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