No, drunk sperm still make babies.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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