thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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