That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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