well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
