So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
