the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
