Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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