I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My bed smells like the plague
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