No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
