I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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