wrigley field is MILF paradise
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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