How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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