she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
