I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
